Been a very long time since i last wrote in here. More like 3 months. I have finally received my final exam result from UTP, which signifies me successfully graduated with a BA (Hons) in IT. The result is ok although not as what i aimed for. I got Dean's List but i m no 1st class student. A bit disappointed with that coz that means i have to pay back my loan with petronas about 10k. if i did get that 1st class, i can use that 10k to pay for a house downpayment. oh...forgot...oredi got a house in cj. then, mebbe i'd hv bought a couture gown. make it a vera wang wedding dress perhaps. haha :P

pfftt. still dreaming of marriage. i shudnt be even thinking about it now since i dunno what to do with my degree. deffinitely not going to work in IT field. IT workers in malaysia r mostly overworked and underpaid. Dont hv much interest in IT oso. My FYP was crap! but i still scraped an A coz i nailed the presentation. mebbe i shud go for marketing...since i m able to make crappy product sounds attractive. huhu~

I m still looking for jobs. just started sending resumes. expecting interviews somewhere in march. dont ask what kinda jobs i m applying for. hehe~

but i m really hoping to get that trainee lecturer post in utp. i like talking. i like studying. i like teaching and good at it. and i cant seem to leave utp with a big smile. i m perfect for the post rite? hope so.

100++ photos to be editted.

spring cleaning my bedroom.

watch hana yori dango live action.

apply for more jobs.

my list of things to do. hehe.

i'm 39kg, 157cm, seriously underweight. no appetite at all. the hunger is there, but the desire to eat is almost non-existent. i eat with no enthusiasm. i need to fatten up. i need mcD!!!!! demn...bintulu has no mcD!!!!

There's a question in my head tonight. about what i always hear ppl say...even my bf say it sometimes. "What u dont know wont hurt u". i think that statement is one of the most irresponsible statements of all. know y?? bcoz it gives a reason for ppl to rationalize their dishonesty, betrayal, and other wrong doings.

if a person does not do anything wrong, why would that person conceal it? the act of concealing something shows that the person is feeling guilty. but of course, he/she is most likely to be in denial. lets say u do something that u know will hurt the feelings of another person. u know it is wrong. but u rationalize to urself saying "what she doesnt know wont hurt her". i never feel it is ok to do so.


so, i think...we should never hv that kind of mindset that says "What u dunno wont hurt u". if its just a small mistake, nvm la. like when u spill unwashable stuff on ur sister's fav shirt and u dowan her to find out so u go buy a new identical shirt to replace the stained one. but if u r talking about "mistakes" the kind of cheating, deceiving, backstabbing...u really shouldnt hv irresponsibly rationalize ur action with the mere line "what u dunno wont hurt u". its really malicious if u do that especially on ur loved ones. and know what's worse? it is when u see ur loved one crying n getting upset over it when the secret is open, and u say "who ask u to find out about it?".

even now, i m so numb.

seriously, i dont remember being cursed by ancient aztec coins or changed into skeleton under the moonlight :P

the other night i dreamt of young obi-wan kenobi/ewan mc-gregor. for a second there, i felt bliss. the previous time i dreamt of him was a day b4 i decided to break-up with my then bf. and i hv no intention to repeat my decision on my current one as i hv a "binding contract" of some sort with him. the same sort that binds me with utp and also the same sort that makes me go on with IT degree although i could bail out and take other more interesting courses. even if he broke my heart to pieces i'd still be loyal to him. even if i m hurting every second bcoz of him, i'd still not leave him. but of course, many girls want me to leave him for various reasons. some even want to keep him for herself. some r even so sick that they want to share him with me. i m not a pervie to wanna do threesome or foursome. haha :D

he must be very happy eh?? of course...a guy who everyone wants, paired up with a girl that nobody really wants. boost of ego. i m always scared of being left alone. but i guess, i can be brave being left alone...rite??? i m, like so many ppl hv told me, a smart girl; a genius who doesnt do assignments and study but still can get dean's list without cheating. a smart girl should be brave. the only problem is i dont feel i m smart....i never feel i m smart....i dont think i m of worth...

holy crap...i hv inferiority complex!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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