i think i hv never mentioned about my soulmate here, huh? haha...my soulmate just happened to stumble upon me in a garbage can. he picked me up, mend me a bit and keep me and taken care of me. that is why i love him so much. how i know he is my soulmate? coz i can feel it. he is in doha now. in another 3 more days, i m gonna meet him in KLIA. gonna spend 1 day at kl...maybe will spend quality time splashing at sunway lagoon. then, we'll go back to utp. i miss him so much although i dowanna miss him. coz it is a torture. i hv been tortured for 6 weeks and its finally gonna end. hurrah!~

 i slept too much this evening and now i feel dizzy. slept for 3 hours. coz i was bored. i did dream of a few things. but now i forgot. i dont wanna remember my dreams anymore. its horrific. last night i dreamt of dying. i could feel the life is sucked out of me. it was really scary. but in some culture, dreaming of dying is a sign of longetivity and prosperity. well...i sure hope so :)

i tried cooking kailan ikan masin for lunch today. but it didnt come out as expected. it just tastes like normal kailan fried with oyster sauce. huhu.

i visited lowyat forum just now. i read one post about a guy who is asking for advice. u c, this guy's dad is cheating with another woman. he is of course, so pissed off. he said his mom just trusts his dad too much although his dad always come home drunk and doesnt treat his mom well. he wants a solution without hving his mom finds out about the affair coz he doesnt want to make his mom very sad.

many replies asked him to blackmail his dad first. haha. but i know, for my sister syu, if my dad cheated with another woman...she's gonna make that woman feel so sorry she wish she is dead. she told me that. hehe. if my partner cheated on me...i hv reprogrammed my head on this...i will make dunno. i view myself as a product. like Chi in chobits perhaps. hehe. if u like me, pick me up. if u happen to get tired of me, or u found someone better....feel free to chuck me off. thats world nowadays. if i m lucky, someone would stumble upon me in the grabage can and find out i m still functioning. haha. its just that i m so tired of expecting ppl to do the right thing. coz nowadays, nobody is.

the world is becoming less and less idealistic. if the world now is at least 50% ideal, Bush would be considered as a terrorist or a murderer, too. since he bombed innocent ppl. except he's doing that in the name of anti-terrorism. now, the justification of our actions r no longer determined by our decission and the action itself. it is determined by what we label it or by what we name it.

just look at ur workplace. if u r not working, listen to those who r alraedy working. we know the existence of workplace parasites. those who did nothing but get all the credits. in an ideal world, those who work hard will be given credits. but nowadays, those who r manipulative and cheaters will win instead. u wont know who r these parasites until u work closely with them. coz if u r just the onlooking bystanders, u'd think "wow, he's great. he's accomplished this and that".

life is making me cynical. at such a young age somemore. pfft.

 i wished to the falling star last night...that i'd hv amnesia. so i would not hv to remember so much. even the smallest things that ppl dont. coz it makes me feel like a big liar coz i remember something that they dont. i wish i dont hv to remember, everything about me. it is just so disgusting. i wish i dont hv to remember anyone. so i could spare them another half of their lifetimes wasted on me. i wish i dont hv to remember anything, so the memories wont torture me no more. since no one can fully understand my thoughts, i better just erase my thoughts and replace them with theirs.

but its an easy way out aint it?

 These are among the criterion that always pop up in a girl's mind whenever asked "Describe ur dream guy" :

1). Calon suami yang tidak merokok(non-smoker)
2). Calon suami yang bersembahyang, taat pada
perintah Allah (a guy who does his prayers, and good to his religion)
3). Penyayang, Penyabar (loving, and patient)
4). Suka Berterus terang (honest)
5). Romantik (romantic)
6). TIdak mempermainkan Kaum Hawa (not a playboy)
7). Berbudi Bahasa (articulate)
8). Kelakar (good sense of humour)

And here, are what a less-than-perfect guy retorts to those over the top criterion:

1). Purata 9 daripada 10 lelaki adalah perokok, camner la korang nak carik yang tak merokok...kekadang tu dia tak merokok depan korang...tapi belakang... tak pun dalam toilet~

my comment: yes...that's absolutely true. Girls, we just hv to accept the fact that boys will be boys; they like to die early as long as they enjoy life :) And for the fact that second-hand smokers get the biggest impact of smoking...well...that just never crossed their heads. Maybe just once or twice. So, if ur bf smokes...just hold ur breath.

2). Yup, Sembahyang @ Solat... yang diwajibkan ada 5, tapi alahai...kadang2 dapat 3 pun dah besar rahmat dah la.. kadang2 tuh sekali seminggu jek.... lagi teruk 2 kali setahun.... tuh pun baik dah tuh ingat semayang cane...Wallahualam..~

my comment: For muslim ladies, included in the guideline to choose a husband according to quran, or hadith (i m not sure)...is actually 'choose one who r good with his religion so he can guide u'. So, it is immature to scoff at those girls who add this criteria in their dream guy becoz they r just trying to follow the guideline. But of course, nowadays...these guys r almost extinct. So girls, no need to look for pious guys who can lead u to God. U can lead the way urself.


3). Penyayang & Penyabor?? mungkin masa bercinta & masa tengah carik jodoh jer kot...riso lepas kawin jadik Penerajang & Penampor jerk...tak pun penyayang dan penyabor ngan bini lain jek..~

my comment: This two criterion shouldnt be put into one. It should be separated. Some guys r loving but hot tempered. Some r distant, but very patient. So...according to this guy who wrote the above statement...brace urself girls. Ur loving and patient, gentle bf now will be a monster once married. The moment he hits u, RUN. and make police report. but as for now, just enjoy his company...as long as his 'loving and patient self' is still there.

4). Lelaki memang suka berterus terang...takde gelap2 punya...omputih kata straight 2 the point...melayu kata, sound tepat... tak macam pompuan, lidah bercabang seribu.....depan cakap punyer la baik.... blakang?

my comment: that's a really horrid statement. bcoz anyone can be lidah bercabang. regardless of gender. but then again, if guys label women as lidah bercabang, then i suppose women can label guys as menananam tebu di hujung bibir. y? becoz he can say 'i love u' to u when he is text messaging 'i love u' to another girl. get the point? No? too bad.


5). Romantik? apa definisi romantik yang sebenarnya? cari dalam kamus tengok -camner
ciri2 lelaki romantik...sesapa leh huraikan?? Kalau nak ikot stail cite cinta omputeh tuh, mimpi jek la, dalam mimpi pun tak tentu romantik lagi~

my comment: not all guys r romantic. sorry girls. most guys hv no sense of romance at all. although all of them want sex from us...


6). Kaum lelaki memang tidak pernah sesekali mempermainkan kaum Hawa..never...ever...forever... hakikat yang berlaku sekarang ni...kaum lelaki la yang banyak kena main dengan kaum Hawa...lelaki kalau dia kata dia sayang, dia cinta.... arus elektrik pun tak dapat hanyutkan dia....but ingat....itu kalau dia kata dia sayang or cinta jerk.... pompuan, kalau cinta or sayang pun dier tetap permainkan hati laki jugak.... pompuan neh memang, busuk sungguh~

my comment: girls tak busuk...jarang busuk...laki lebih busuk. just go to their room and u will crave for fresh air. haha. btw, the statement that guys never mempermainkan perempuan...hello? dont make me laugh. unless someone can explain to me why some guys like to flirt around, make girls fall in love with them, then leave. If they leave. Some dont leave. Instead, they will make a 'collection'. Undeniable that girls ada gak camtu...playgirl. But to say that guys never ever play with a girl's heart? that's something irrational.


7). Berbudi Bahasa ni kena tengok dengan attitude seseorang tu..kalau cara dia cakap dengan kita pun macam hampeh, takkan la dia tak hampeh depan mak bapak kita esok. nak yang betul berbudi?? cari la yang tak hampeh... tapi diri sendiri tuh lom tau lagi hampeh ke tak, so cermin diri sendiri dulu gak, dah dier hampeh, dapat la laki
yang hampeh~

my comment: couldnt hv agreed more to this statement. finally, a well-said one, with no bias.

8). Kelakar....nampak gaya kaum lelaki kena langgan majalah ujang la...supaya ada modal time dating nanti...memang best dapat pasangan yang kelakar...tapi kalau sebijik macam Mr.Bean...rasanya mak bapak kita pun malu nak ngaku menantu..kan..kan...kan? Tuh pun bagus lagi Mr. Bean tuh, mau nyer cam Pak Cik Din
Beramboi? lagi la malu....

my comment: I dont think 'funny' should be included in the criteria of a dream guy. should change it to 'someone who makes me smile' instead (credits to mr. kukuchi on this one). Enuff said :)



So, as the conclusion:

Guys blame girls. Girls blame guys. Wake up! we share this world. we need each other. girls do tend to set a very high standard in their 'dream guy'. and guys, takder kurangnya jugak. except that they dont exactly go for inner traits; they go for physical traits such as 36-24-36. Long straight hair. Fair skin. small nose. big eyes bla bla bla. Its not the problem of girls expect too high or guys expect too high...this is just a matter of HUMAN NATURE. it is human to dream of something big. is it so wrong? The issue is actually, whether one can distinguish between dream and reality. i believe that all of us, boys and girls, can distinguish that. So, it is not wrong to dream of this super perfect guy or super sexy woman...as long as u know, that no one is perfect. My bf is not perfect. from that usual 'dream guy' criterion, he only has 1/4 of the traits. but i m happy :) Afterall, thats what love is all about: accepting ur partner as he/she is..including the weaknesses (another credits to mr. kukuchi).

Just another of my 2 cents.

 Just an excerpt of an article writtem by Shirley P. Glass, Ph.D., with Jean Coppock Staeheli in their book entitled, "Not Just Friends".

There are all kinds of reasons for not stepping over the line that would normally stop you from entering a forbidden territory. Vulnerabilities and values will be revealed by the thoughts and actions that came up as you crossed thresholds into the extramarital relationship. Most likely, discussing these questions will uncover the magnetism of the relationship, the sense of curiosity, or the belief that nothing bad would come of it. One of the most revealing thoughts is whether the unfaithful partner considered the consequences of getting involved or only of getting caught.

For example, how did Ralph (who was married to Rachel) decide to go ahead with that secret lunch date he had with Lara? What was he anticipating? It's important to understand how a platonic friendship can shift into an affair. When people confide to opposite-sex friends about problems in their marriage, they are revealing a weak spot and signaling their availability at the same time. Although women share deep feelings with lots of people, particularly other women, men are usually most comfortable sharing their feelings in a love relationship. As a result, when a relationship becomes emotionally intimate, men tend to sexualize it.

Through discussions with his wife, Lisa, Les figured out how he let himself be drawn into an affair with Fiona, a new colleague at work. He recognized that it started off with his compassion for Fiona's situation. He was moved by her tale of a distressed marriage, a disabled child, and a terminally ill father who lived with her. Les admitted that he was flattered by Fiona's idealizing him when she compared him to her insensitive husband. He pictured himself as her protector rescuing her from her troubled life. One freezing Sunday, when he got a call from Fiona asking him to drive over and give her dead battery a charge he did share it with Lisa. Later, he and Lisa agreed that when he stopped talking about Fiona at home and started keeping his weekend phone calls secret, the friendship had shifted into an emotional affair. Sexual intimacy developed as Les became convinced that he was "in love" with Fiona, and he began to detach emotionally and sexually from the marriage. Fiona had grown up in a working-class family without luxuries. She was thrilled when Les took her out to a simple lunch at a restaurant that had table service. In contrast, when Les and Lisa went to five-star restaurants, they took it for granted as part of their lifestyle. Les felt gratified that he could add a little joy to Fiona's troubled life. Because Les and Lisa talked about how he felt sorry for Fiona, it became clear to both of them that he was vulnerable to rescuing maidens in distress. He vowed that in the future, he would erect distinct boundaries with unhappy, attractive women who touched his kind heart. When involved partners share their feelings on this level, they are letting their betrayed spouse inside their mind and re-forging their bond. They not only are discussing what occurred, but together they are gaining insight into the underlying dynamics.


It's always been like that, right? A girl goes seeking emotional comfort from a guy friend. The guy friend gives emphathy. Then b4 they realize it, they r in a secret affair that both denies. To those reading, i wish u good luck. And wish me good luck, too. We'd never know what will happen to our marriage in the future. It could be ur spouse or it could be u who r playing this so called 'platonic relationship'.

To girls out there who r having a problem: if u know ur male buddy is alraedy in a relationship, know ur place. Jgn menggatal to fish his symphathy. And dont be fooled to believe that u actually fall in love with him. U just 'fall in love' becoz u hv nobody else. Thats not a good thought to live with, right? I m a girl so i m reminding this to myself as well (i just realized i hv more male frens than female frens). So, if anyone caught me doing this one day, pls DO quote me this blog entry.

To guys who hv these exceptionally kind heart: Dont use ur 'exceptional kindness' as a reason to cheat on ur loved one. Although the word cheating here may hv different definition from one person to another, but the universal of cheating is 'whatever u did with another girl that requires sneaking, lying, keeping it secret from ur loved one'. Know ur boundaries. U r not kind at all if u leave ur loved one crying everynight thinking about u and ur affair or "female buddy".

Just my 2 cents.

 I m supporting Yazer. Coz i like his style. And his looks. Hehe. He looks like a rocker, he has good rock vocal, and i think he's sweet :) And then, there is kefli. His performance tonight was so moving. He was singing a Sheila on 7 number...slow ballad...with lotsa lashing of emotion in it. With his really really cute face...huhu...i m in lurrrvve :P


Good huh, this song lyrics? Looks like something i would write myself :) Huhu...suddenly feel sad...
Btw, kefli is so cute...*sob*

 Tomorrow would be a big day for my family. As my oldest cousin would be bethrothed to his gf. He would be the first one among us cousins to go down the path of partnership. The wedding would take place in december this year.

I wish my bf wanna get betrothed to me. But i dunno. Last time he said he wanted to get engaged with me end of this year but then he changed his mind. Well...just a moment of pure happiness i guess. Now, i just dont wanna think about it too much. Putting hopes too high and to only see them crashing back to the ground. I better just go with the flow and hv fun :) Like my friend amy always say, Cest la vie...sieze the day. Let it be what it'll be. It's just a ring right? Pfft...i can get myself rings anytime i want. Except that i prefer charm bracelets. Haha :P
Oh, hv i told u that i never thought of marriage b4? I didnt even know what's the use of having a bf. But now i know. The use of having a bf is to get me feeling sad...then happy. Coz last time, I was quite plastic...all smiles, all day. A bit of cynicism can do me good, i guess.